20 Ways to Cope With Challenging Family Dynamics During the Holidays
Submitted by Beth Rush
Founder and Managing Editor
Body+Mind Magazine
Learn how you can help your loved one preserve their physical and cognitive abilities and help them to thrive
The holidays can be warm and joyful, but they can also bring up old tensions, new responsibilities and a lot of pressure. If you’re figuring out how to help a family member with dementia during the holidays, the season can feel even more stressful. The good news is there are practical ways to protect your peace while still showing up for the people you care about. Here are 20 straightforward, effective ways to handle challenging family dynamics this season.
1. Set Clear Expectations Early
Don’t wait until plans start spiraling. Let your family know what you can realistically commit to while caring for a loved one. Clear, direct communication reduces confusion and makes the holidays smoother for everyone. Even simple statements, like “I can come for dinner but will need to leave early,” can go a long way.
2. Prepare Them in Advance for Gatherings
Before a holiday event, gently remind your loved one about what’s coming up — who will be there, where you’re going and what activities might happen. Use photos or simple stories to help them visualize the people they’ll be seeing. This lowers confusion and helps them feel included rather than caught off guard.
3. Stick to Familiar Routines as Much as Possible
Routines create a sense of safety for individuals with dementia. Try to keep meals, medication times and usual activities consistent throughout the holiday. Even small disruptions can cause anxiety or disorientation. Staying close to their regular routine avoids confusion and helps the day run more smoothly for everyone.
4. Prepare a Dementia-Friendly Plan
If you’re caring for someone with dementia, Alzheimer’s disease or other dementias, plan for their comfort. Understanding how to help a family member with dementia during the holidays can prevent stress for both you and them. Keep the environment calm, avoid overwhelming schedules and remind relatives that too much noise or activity can be disorienting.
5. Allow Traditions to Change
Traditions are meaningful, but they shouldn’t feel like obligations. If something no longer works for your family because of health issues, distance or emotional strain, it’s OK to adjust or simplify.
Maybe instead of baking 10 kinds of cookies, you bake one together. Or, instead of a long outing, bring tradition home. A holiday that reflects your current reality is more enjoyable for everyone.
6. Prepare Family Members Ahead of Time
6. Prepare Family Members Ahead of TimeNot everyone understands how dementia affects communication and behavior. Sharing what to expect and what your loved one may find difficult helps prevent misunderstandings. A quick conversation can prepare relatives to be more patient and gentle.
7. Protect Your Emotional Energy
You don’t have to engage in every debate or defend every choice. If specific topics tend to create tension, steer the conversation in a different direction or use neutral responses. Protecting your emotional space isn’t rude — it’s necessary.
8. Simplify Activities and Conversations
Complicated games, fast-paced conversations or multiple people talking at once may be overwhelming. Stick to simple, familiar activities they can comfortably participate in. Slow, clear communication helps them feel included without pressure. Try to limit background noise to ensure they’re focused when you’re speaking to them. Keeping things uncomplicated reduces frustration on both sides.
Keep the environment simple, too. Too many decorations, flashing lights or cluttered spaces can be disorienting. Familiar objects like their favorite blanket or chair can help ground them. The goal is to make the space festive without overwhelming their senses.
9. Build in Small Moments to Regroup
For loved ones with dementia, holiday noise can lead to agitation or exhaustion, so plan for a designated quiet area. This can be a bedroom, a cozy corner or a seat by a window where they can relax. Encourage them to take breaks whenever they need, not just when you notice the signs. These small pauses help them reset and enjoy the rest of the day.
Allow yourself time to reset, as well. Short breaks can make a major difference. A few deep breaths in the hallway, a quick walk or a quiet moment with your coffee can help you reset and stay grounded when family dynamics get intense.
10. Keep the Space Easy to Navigate
Keeping the area easy to navigate is essential. Seniors who have experienced a major fall-related injury have more than a 20% increased risk of receiving an Alzheimer’s diagnosis. That means cluttered hallways, loose rugs, poorly lit corners or overly decorated areas can be unsafe and cognitively stressful.
Maintain clear pathways, ensure lighting is warm and bright, and minimize obstacles to prevent tripping hazards. This way, you create an environment that reduces fall risk and helps your loved one with dementia feel more secure and oriented through the holidays.
11. Watch for Signs of Overstimulation
Agitation, restlessness, withdrawal and sudden silence can all signal overwhelm in seniors. Keeping an eye on early signs lets you intervene before things escalate. Redirecting, offering a break or moving to a quieter space can make a big difference. Responding early helps your loved one feel supported rather than corrected.
12. Avoid Sudden Changes and Introduce New People Slowly
Seeing many relatives at once can cause confusion, especially if your loved one struggles with memory recognition. Introduce people one at a time, and keep it simple. Avoid surprising them with unexpected guests or abrupt transitions. Gradual changes lead to more positive interactions.
13. Share the Workload
You’re not required to host, cook, clean, entertain and manage everything on your own. Delegate tasks and ask for help directly. If you’re also navigating dementia care, be up front about what support you need. Most people don’t know unless you tell them.
14. Limit Alcohol and Unfamiliar Foods
14. Limit Alcohol and Unfamiliar FoodsAlcohol can worsen confusion, balance issues and mood changes. Stick to nonalcoholic options and familiar dishes that won’t upset their digestion or routine. Introduce new foods slowly or avoid them altogether. Keeping things predictable reduces the risk of discomfort or agitation during the celebration.
15. Encourage Gentle Involvement in Activities
People with dementia often enjoy feeling useful and included, even if tasks need to be simplified. Ask them to fold napkins, hang ornaments, stir ingredients or choose a holiday song to play. These moments help them maintain dignity and connection. The key is offering participation without pressure.
16. Give Yourself an Exit Strategy
There’s no rule that says you must stay all day. If the energy shifts or you start feeling overwhelmed, it’s perfectly acceptable to leave early or take a break outside. You’re allowed to prioritize your mental health.
17. Focus on What Actually Matters
Not every detail deserves your time or emotional bandwidth. Choose what’s truly important to you — maybe a conversation with a parent or a calm meal — and let the rest be “good enough.” A simpler holiday is often a better one.
18. Practice Compassion Without Overextending Yourself
Everyone brings their own stress into the holidays. Remembering that can help you respond with patience, but compassion doesn’t mean sacrificing your own boundaries. There’s room for both.
19. Prepare Conversation Boundaries
Think ahead about how you’ll handle triggering topics like politics, parenting or money. You can use phrases like “I’m not discussing that today,” or “Let’s keep the conversation light.” Setting conversational limits helps prevent arguments before they happen. and gives you more control over your emotional environment.
20. Support Your Own Mental Health
If the holidays tend to bring up a lot of anxiety or unresolved family issues, checking in with a therapist, counselor or support group beforehand can prepare you emotionally. Having tools and support in place makes a noticeable difference.
Make the Holidays Meaningful, Not Perfect
Helping a family member with dementia during the holidays isn’t about creating a flawless celebration but a compassionate one. When you slow down, simplify and prioritize their comfort, the season becomes more enjoyable for everyone involved. These moments of connection are what truly matter. With preparation, patience and flexibility, you can build holiday memories that feel warm, calm and meaningful for your entire family.
Beth Rush
Founder and Managing Editor
Body+Mind Magazine
Beth Rush is the mindfulness editor at Body+Mind. She writes about caring for loved ones with Alzheimer’s disease. She also shares tips for coping with c-PTSD, PCOS, and climate anxiety. Her goal is to encourage readers to live their best lives. Subscribe to the Body+Mind Newsletter for more posts by Beth.
