5 Important Activities to Avoid – And a Few to Try
5 Important Activities to Avoid – And a Few to Try
Submitted by Bill Cohen
Certified Senior Advisor (CSA)
Cohen Caregiving Support Consultants
If you are or were like me, you often wonder if you are doing things OK as you care for your person living with dementia. Either way, you may feel guilty that you aren’t doing enough or because you have such feelings or thoughts.
Try to Avoid
Here are some of the most common, and understandable, things you should try NOT to say or do. Try not to:
- Lose your patience when they get upset or ask the same question repeatedly. They can’t change, but would if they could.
- Correct them when they say or do something wrong. If they could get it right, they would.
- Ask them “don’t you remember me (or my name)?” If they are happy to be with you and you make them feel better, that’s enough.
- Use logic or argue with them. You won’t change their mind or behavior and you will never win the argument. Ever. Yes, think logically and talk calmly in a reassuring way.
- React or respond in kind to anger or anxiety. Try to talk softly and with little emotion. In fact, it’s OK to not respond at all. Shift their focus and anticipate a change to a better mood.
Keep in mind that it’s not personal and they probably won’t remember it or be upset with you later, whether after an hour or the next day!
Try to Do
On the other side, there are a few things you SHOULD try.
- Knowing outbursts and repeated questions are imminent, be prepared for them, including some answers. Try doing a little improv!
- They will ask over and over when they have an upcoming appointment or visitor. Instead, tell them not long beforehand, but be sure they are prepared: bathed, clothed, fed, toileted, etc.
- Have tasks, activities, or objects to keep them positively engaged or occupied. And, it doesn’t matter if they don’t do it correctly or the same as you would. Let it go if no harm is done.
Again, it is not important if they forgot your name or exact relationship. As Maya Angelou reminded us: how do you make them feel?
Regardless, it’s OK. You are doing the best you can!
Submitted by Bill Cohen
Certified Senior Advisor (CSA)
Cohen Caregiving Support Consultants
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