Celebrate Me Home: Creating Inclusive and Engaging Family Gatherings Through Reminiscence

December 8, 2024December 8, 2024

Submitted By: Lori K. Yauch, M.A., CCC-SLP

Owner/Manager

Meaningful MemoryMaker.com

“Please, celebrate me home. Play me one more song that I’ll always remember, and I can recall. Whenever I find myself too all alone, I can sing me home.” (Songwriters: Bob James, Kenny Loggins, 1977)

On a Sunday afternoon in November, as I considered topics for this article, a lyric ran through my head:

It beautifully captures the loneliness that is often felt during times of separation from family and resonates with the isolation experienced by individuals with dementia when the struggle to connect becomes increasingly challenging as the disease progresses. The family finds the gap between the person they knew and the person they know widening.

Since 2008, my career as a speech-language pathologist has centered on bridging the gap and finding ways to connect with individuals living with dementia.

As I reflected on this work, I opened a forwarded email from The National Council of Certified Dementia Practitioners, sent by a friend. This email, which outlined some valuable tips for creating a stress-free holiday with a family member who has dementia, was a catalyst for the framework of this article. After reading fourteen insightful suggestions, including Keep Communication Simple and Limit Distractions, I discovered reminiscing (my go-to tip) was trailing behind Using Sound and Music in a category called Focus on the Senses.

As a contributing author to Dementia Map, I believe in the power of reminiscence to help build connections and promote communication between individuals with dementia and their families and caregivers. This belief has guided my work as a clinician and is the basis for my published writing.

With reminiscing in mind, I want to share my thoughts on making family gatherings more inclusive for you, your loved one, and your family.

Party Planning

When including Grandpa, begin by considering four things:

Time: A late morning or mid-day gathering is optimal. (Grandpa’s thinking skills are more precise in the morning to midday vs. evening or night). Light also helps identify the environment and the people in it.

Location: Stage the party in a familiar location, such as Grandpa’s residence. This familiarity can promote a sense of well-being and reduce potential confusion or disorientation, making the gathering more enjoyable for him and less stressful for everyone.

The Guest List: Keep the list small, with a few well-known family members and friends. Familiar faces will help build a supportive and reassuring environment.

The Supportive Environment: This should include consideration regarding the physical space, comfortable initiation of the conversation, and the familiar items needed to find your way to a pleasant and engaging discussion. These items include but are not limited to a favorite book, a family photo album, a song, or music with special meaning. Creating this environment is an essential component of a successful gathering. It will enhance your ability to connect with your loved one and make the experience more inclusive and engaging.

The Physical Space

A supportive environment features a welcoming, wide-open physical space with minimal noise and visual distractions. The space should feature pleasant, familiar scents of preferred foods, a favorite song, a comfortable chair, a beverage, and a simple snack. These “creature comforts” can help Grandpa feel at ease and increase his desire to engage with others.

Initiating An Interaction

Now that Grandpa is comfortable and appears open to conversation (smiling, turning his attention to an overheard conversation), continue to advance the supportive environment and prepare for an engaging interaction with a simple approach from the front. While making eye contact, extend your hand (holding his warmly but not too tight). If he does not recognize you, introduce yourself. (“I’m Linda. Your daughter Betty is my mom.”) When you use his daughter’s name, you enable Grandpa to form a direct connection to his family and you.

The Conversation

When you are welcome to sit with him, encourage Grandpa to notice the scents and sounds in the room. Talk about his favorite food basting in the oven and his favorite dessert prepared and waiting in the refrigerator. Sing with him as his favorite Frank Sinatra song lingers in the background.

Now, grab the photo album on the coffee table. The supportive conversation should focus on reminiscing. Reminiscing fosters meaningful interactions and encourages automatic communication, allowing Grandpa to share joyful memories and create a deeper connection with you. When the book opens, highlight the photos featuring Grandpa, his siblings, and his parents. Remind him of happy vacations at the lake. As you turn the pages to his wedding day and honeymoon on Route 66, smile at the story of meeting Grandma at that fraternity party. When more pages turn, take this opportunity to read stories from a Family History Book. Be sure to describe the people in the photographs, emphasizing their direct relationship to Grandpa. (“That’s you, your brother Dave, and your dad at the baseball game. Here’s one of you and me on a cruise to the Bahamas.”) Keep questions simple, offer choices, and ask yes/no questions to make the exchange easier as communication abilities change.

The joy of reminiscence is that there are no wrong answers. The goal is to bring back happy moments for him and promote a positive environment for everyone. Remember, he feels comfortable sharing his past—meet him there.

Following a pleasant visit to his past, consider allowing Grandpa a rest in a quiet place free from distractions but scattered with some of those “creature comforts” (a soft, warm blanket and a favorite beverage).

A rest period will decrease the onset of boredom or agitation. Boredom can be seen when activities last too long; Agitation can be observed if the activity becomes frustrating (too many open-ended questions requiring long answers or vocabulary he might not be able to recall.).

Changing The Activity

Rested and re-oriented to the family gathering, consider changing the activity from passive (looking at pictures and talking about them) to active or “hands-on.” “Hands-on” reminiscence activities such as playing simple, familiar card games (involving number sequencing, color matching, and sorting), stirring the chicken soup in the crockpot, rolling out the pie dough, or setting the table not only serve to direct his attention but can also provide Grandpa with a sense of purpose. These activities can become conversation starters regarding family game nights, Friday evening poker with his friends, or reminiscences of past family dinners.

Reminiscing Around The Table

As the family gathering proceeds to the dinner table, the smell of the roast beef, broccoli, and mashed potatoes with gravy may spark memories of a past Christmas when the gravy spilled over on the stove, sparked, and led to the stove blowing up! The sound of laughter is heard when the broccoli makes its way around the table untouched, and the story of how it became known as “yuckily” is recounted. While serving the main course of roast beef, compliments abound regarding its taste and texture, while memories of past main courses (the dry turkey or the failed Cornish game hen) linger in the guests’ thoughts, if not their mouths. When Grandpa dives into his favorite pie (a perfect Lemon Meringue), stories of past not-so-perfect pies are told. (The one that never set and was offered to Grandma as a “glass of pie” or the one with dark “peaks that never quite “peaked.”) As the laughter dies and the meal ends, Grandpa goes to his comfy chair.

A Little Night Music and a Few Drops of Essential Oils

Whether it’s in his comfy chair or his adjustable bed, as Grandpa settles in for the night, play a treasured song or a relaxing piece of classical music while covering him with his favorite blanket sprinkled with a few drops of essential oils to relax him into a restful night’s sleep. Remember to leave a light on in the room. A completely dark room can be disorienting, promote the risk of falls, and increase fear. A lighted room or lighted path within a room can be calming and decrease the risk of injury.

The Party’s Over

As the festivities wind down, it is clear Grandpa enjoyed his visit. He exhibited no adverse behaviors associated with his dementia. This positive experience underscores the profound impact of reminiscence as the guiding framework for a family gathering. A nurturing environment that made him feel secure and included was cultivated by intentionally incorporating familiar memories and connections. The engaging conversations spurred by cherished songs, nostalgic photographs, and favorite foods provided him comfort. They fostered meaningful exchanges that enriched the occasion for everyone. As the gathering ends, it’s evident that reminiscing doesn’t merely bridge the gap between past and present; it also enhances shared experiences, ensuring that family gatherings are enjoyable and deeply inclusive for everyone involved.

Submitted By: Lori K. Yauch, M.A., CCC-SLP

Owner/Manager

Meaningful MemoryMaker

Meaningful Memory Maker’s mission is to provide individuals and caregivers with the tools and education they need to enhance personal care and physical abilities while encouraging communication, engagement, and socialization through meaningful interaction.

Their Guidebooks and Videos provide support for individuals and their caregivers while fostering communication enhancement through personally relevant, entertaining activities.