The Smart Family’s Guide to Senior Living Choices
Submitted by Kristine Sundberg,
Executive Director and Founder of
Elder Voice Advocates
Elder Voice Advocates (Elder Voice) is a coalition of elders, adults with disabilities, and their family members and others who have experienced abuse, neglect, and exploitation of loved ones who receive services from long-term, boarding, and home care providers.
Insider tips and questions you didn’t know you should ask to make confident, informed decisions about your loved one’s care.
Choosing where a loved one will live is one of the hardest decisions you’ll ever make. It’s emotional, personal, and often overwhelming. With nearly one million Minnesotans age 65 or older, more families than ever are facing this choice.
Every brochure showcases happy residents playing cards in perfectly lit rooms. Every tour guide has a smile and a story to share. However, behind the marketing, there are real differences in safety, quality, and how residents are treated. For example, a daughter thought she’d found the perfect community for her mom, until a second visit revealed that the only staff person was sitting behind a desk looking at their phone while residents were confined to their rooms. That lack of engagement helped her rule it out as the right fit.
With the right questions, thoughtful preparation, and a clear understanding of what matters most, you can cut through the fluff and make a choice that feels right for your family.
Step 1: Know What Really Matters
Before booking tours, pause and ask: “What matters most right now?”
If your loved one is independent:
- Staying in the same neighborhood or near friends
- Remaining at home vs. moving to a community
- Keeping up hobbies, clubs, or activities that bring joy
- Staying socially connected
- Maintaining faith or spiritual practices
- Holding onto daily routines (yes, even that morning coffee on the porch)
If more assistance with daily living is needed:
- A safe environment with strong infection control
- Inclusion in care decisions
- Skilled, compassionate nursing and personal care
- Personal preferences honored every day
- An active, self-run resident or family council
- Person-centered care rather than cookie-cutter approaches
Pro Tip: Read the Assisted Living Bill of Rights and Nursing Home Resident Rights to spot potential red flags:
- Assisted Living Bill of Rights: https://www.revisor.mn.gov/statutes/cite/144G.50
- Nursing Home Resident Rights: https://www.revisor.mn.gov/statutes/cite/144.651
Step 2: Do Your Homework
Touring without preparation is like going on a long trip without checking the weather—you could be unprepared for what matters most.
- Check the track record: Use the free tool, Elder Care IQ www.ElderCareIQ.org to view Department of Health inspection reports, violations, and documented cases of abuse or neglect.
- Know your options: Compare home care, assisted living, memory care, and nursing homes.
- Be skeptical of online praise: Testimonials are often cherry-picked.
- Understand placement services: Many advisors are paid by the facilities they recommend.
Step 3: Make Tours Count
Most tours are led by marketing staff who may not be familiar with the details of care. Ask to meet the registered nurse (RN) or licensed practical nurse (LPN) in charge. Remember:
- Bring a friend or family member; they’ll notice things you might miss
- Visit multiple times and at different times of day
- Trust your senses: smells, cleanliness, staff-resident interactions
- Talk to residents and families when possible
- Check posted resident rights, complaint processes, and ombudsman contacts
- Record tours if it helps (this is legal in Minnesota)
For instance, one family noticed staff warmly greeted some residents but ignored quieter or less mobile individuals. That unequal treatment helped them rule out the community for their dad.
Step 4: Ask the Questions They’re Not Expecting
Some of most revealing answers come from questions not on the glossy brochure:
- How is person-centered care “actually” implemented?
- How often are care plans updated, and who participates?
- What is the staff-to-resident ratio (state average in Assisted Living is 1 to 8 by day and 1 to 15 by night?
- What is the staff turnover rate (high turnover may mean unhappy, overworked staff who can’t give quality care)?
- Is staff training conducted in-person or via computer?
- How often is temporary staff used, and what is their orientation process?
- How are emergencies handled at 3 a.m.?
- Are fresh fruits and vegetables available 24/7?
- What is the average response time to call buttons or pendants?
Step 5: Stay Involved After Move-In
Move-in day isn’t the end—it’s just the start of a new chapter. Your role shifts to advocate:
- Visit at different times: evenings, weekends, and holidays
- Join or start a family council
- Keep written records of communication
- Regularly compare care to the official care plan
- Consider electronic monitoring or cameras (this is legal in Minnesota)
- Keep the Ombudsman’s number handy if help is needed: Minnesota, 800-657-3591
- Contact Elder Voice Advocates for information and help at info@eldervoiceadvocates.org
- Report any suspected abuse or neglect immediately to 844-880-1574
The Bottom Line
Where your loved one lives shapes how they live. With preparation, thoughtful questions, and continued involvement, you can help ensure their days are safe, meaningful, and filled with happiness.
Submitted by Kristine Sundberg,
Executive Director and Founder of
Elder Voice Advocates
